On The Road Again!

by Benjamin Storey

It’s January 22nd. For the love of God!

Dear Gentile Readers,

The tour is going great, lots of shows, smashing theatres, big audiences and a couple of cheeky drinky-poos after the show, and when I say a couple, I do mean nine. The only thing I am struggling with is the utter lack of sleep. I’m a eight / nine hours a night kind of guy, call me overindulgent if you simply must, but I work hard, gym hard and socialize hard, hence my longer need to recuperate.

I’m very much going off topic again. I need to discuss something very real for a moment with you all. Christmas decorations are still up… I wish I were joking. It’s February in a matter of hours people, and there are still snowy-sprayed windows and twinkly lights hanging from your porches. Have we been in a coma since New Years Eve? Take. Them. Down………..! Like now.

I suffer very badly from ‘Too Early’’ syndrome. I put my Christmas tree up during the first week of December, but it always happens so unexpectedly, it starts with my thinking how long its been since I’ve watched Elf or Home Alone 2 then all of a sudden I’m wiping away tears of joy at my pristine Christmas tree, busting with gold and red decorations. It’s sickening. It’s like I’ve been possessed by Buddy the Elf himself.

Still, regardless of my putting the tree up rather early, there is no excuse for it being January 22nd you still have your decorations up. This made me somewhat 10/10 furious on Monday morning, I was in Tesco looking for tasty but under 5 million calories lunch and I came across some reduced scissors, the scissors appealed to me more than the Tesco’s sushi rolls as I thought these scissors would be perfect for slicing my way through people’s garden tinsel and cutting the wires to your porch lights.

Again, this rant maybe down to the lack of quality sleep I’m getting. But still… It’s January 22nd folks.

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